There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
