i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
