You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
