mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
