I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
