we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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