Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
