He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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