Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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