The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
