I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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