They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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