All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
