I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
