i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
