I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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