i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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