are you so shy because you have an std?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
