dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
