so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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