it's like iHOP with fire
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
