So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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