he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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