The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
