The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
