He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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