i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
