Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Randomize
