I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Randomize
