dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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