I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
