Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
