i was born a porn star she said
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
