I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
