I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
