i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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