Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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