I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
