I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
