PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
