idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
