i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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