went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
