it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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