I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
