My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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