weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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