So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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