return my video game
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just want to make out with him forever
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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