So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
