I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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