Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
