So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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