I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
