I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize