I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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