Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
