I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
