Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
