GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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