Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
