If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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