i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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