every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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