if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
