Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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